The Thaw Generation

Monday, May 22, 2006

The panic

Much of my life these days seems to revolve around anxiety and panic. The bizarre part of this is that 9 months ago if you had told me that I would have a problem with anxiety I would've laughed you out of town, well, maybe out of the room anyway. But the past 7 or so months have really been a fricking horror show. It seems that my brain has decided that it will tell me: ABORT, ABORT, GET THE FUCK OUT, SOMETHING IS VERY, VERY, VERY WRONG at the slightest hint of stress. Seriously. This is bad.

Luckily for me I am a pretty upfront person, and decided that I wasn't having a bar of it, and took myself of to the nice lady pyschologist with clear demands for her to fix me... immediately. Only to discover that it's a process. Oh fuck.

So now 7 months down the track I am getting to the point where I can leave the house without that thought in the back of my head that I am going to have an anxiety attack. I can't even explain the JOY of being able to get all the way to work, or uni, or random location and realise that I have made it the whole way there without even thinking that I may lose my shit. I assume that one day (sweet jeebus, let it be soon) I will be able to get to where I am going, do my thang, and turn around and come home to then realise that I have done the whole thing minus my little panic friend.

So kids, if anyone out there is suffering the dread of freaking the fuck out in public and thinking that they are going crazy, take it from me, go talk to someone. Because the feeling of relief that you get when you realise that you are a separate entity from that fucked up little panic buddy of yours is seriously fantastic.

And that, ladies, is the public service announcement for the day.

Good day to you.

PS For those of you who have been here more than once, and read the previous post about me want to leave my job so I can concentrate on my honours, let it be known that I will be giving in my notice on Wednesday. Have a drink for me, and my impending pauperdom.


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